Last night did go better for us, but this morning started horribly. I look back at my blogging over the last few weeks and I realize that I've written nothing that wasn't depressing AT BEST, and I'm sorry. Some days its all I've got.
I detest negativity. I don't enjoy being around the people who continually moan about the half-empty beer glass of their life. I value optimism. At the same time, I don't think a good dose of pragmatic realism ever hurt anyone. I think there is a difference between being realistic and being negative, although admittedly there is a fine line.
Negativity says, "Things are never going to get better. They are always going to be this bad, and in fact, they will most likely get worse."
Realism says, "Yes, this is tough. Its not fun. You need to deal with this or it will likely not improve, but you CAN and you WILL deal with it because you don't have any other options."
Those are different, right?
After completely coming undone this morning because her brother sat at the breakfast bar stool that SHE wanted to have, and after losing the door to her bedroom because she refused to stop kicking it (none of which I can say I handled with the equanimity I promised myself I was going to display, I would blame it on the fact that I have a raging chest cold and not feeling well doesn't help me when she rages, but truly I have no good excuse, I sucked), I was surprised that she was finally able to gather herself together, eat her cold waffles and get ready for school. She took her medication without arguing, and she apologized and gave me hugs. I apologized and I hugged her back. And we started yet another day in our long journey together.
On the positive side, today was payday. Hercules goes to the vet this afternoon to see if we can help him stop peeing all over everything (Please, God, PLEASE) and I plan to hit the sporting goods store to see if I can find one of those small personal-sized trampolines, the ones that have a handrail to hold. Child A has always wanted one, and we have seen a very clear correlation between good behavior and exercise, so I think this would be a good thing to spend my discretionary money on today. On another positive note, we have found a parent who is willing to pick her up after school to go to soccer practice, so she will be able to play again this spring. She started off the season last year knowing squat about playing, and in the last game of the season she scored her first goal. So even though its not a great day, I can find reasons to hope.
And if at any point you notice me sitting on the floor in the corner, just look away please until I get my shit together. Thanks.
