I awoke this morning to an alien landscape, a new way of needing to look at my world. Sometimes those changes come upon us slowly, sometimes in the blink of an eye. It is truly disconcerting to find that where you once had firm footing you can no longer see a trail, but in order to continue life, you have to keep moving forward a step at a time, make a new path where none existed before.
I can't say all that is happening, I wish I could but its not necessarily my story to tell.
The day has come to truly let go.
It was enough, for a long time, to simply think about letting go. To tell myself that I could. To work on my own recovery and to watch and wait and know that all things happen in their own time, their own way. To believe that when the time was right I really could let go and move on and let this be a closed chapter in my life.
The reality is that I was not prepared for this moment, that the relief I thought I would feel is overshadowed by sadness and fear and loss. But those are only feelings. They will pass. I will be OK, I will move forward. I will strive to be the best friend that I can be under the circumstances and continue to focus on being a parent and an individual.
Today I am sad. I will live my life in the moment today and not worry about the future. For today, I will not worry about the things that I cannot control, that are not mine to control. I will honor myself and my feelings. I will take it one day at a time.
I am not alone. Lonely, sometimes, yes, but never, ever alone.
