The song in Act One of Avenue Q says it all: What do you do With a BA in English?
If you're like me, you enter a career in transportation and logistics from the bottom side up and spend the rest of your life critiquing the writing of everyone you meet. Its a really annoying lucrative bad habit character trait that will really piss off impress your friends. I promise.
Trolling Hanging out on the Internet in various newsgroups, forums and blogs has exposed me to the endless ways in which people are capable of butchering language. Nothing causes the pain points behind my eyeballs as much pain as when otherwise well-educated and literate sounding individuals misspell and mis-colloquialize their way through an email, forum message or blog post. If that makes me a snob, so be it.
Take heed, people. If you want to write as intelligently as you think you do, here's my top ten list of frequently butchered words and phrases. Take notes. Memorize. Go forth and be henceforth grammatically correct.
1. Voila!
This is, of course, a French word, so technically not a "butchering of the English language." However, when you are going to utilize a foreign word to add that certain je ne sais quoito your post, my suggestion would be that you do not spell it PHONETICALLY. The word isn't WAHLAH! or WAULA! or even WALA!
2. For all intents and purposes
I know that you write this as "for all intensive purposes" just for the joy you get when you see me choke on my crackerjacks when I read it. Don't tell me you don't. I don't know what the hell you think "intensive" purposes are, but I'm pretty sure when you purpose to make me choke on my food, you're being pretty intense. And if it your intent and your purpose to make me choke on that kernel of caramelized popcorn? Dude, that's just mean. You should seek therapy.
3. Regardless
That's right. There is no "Ir-" preceding "regardless." IRREGARDLESS? NOT A WORD.
4. Moot
As in, "the point is moot." The point is NOT MUTE. The point is MOOT. MOOT, damn it.
5. Effect/Affect
"Affect" is a verb when used with an object. "Affect" means to "have an effect." You see the difference? "Effect" is a noun. When something causes you to feel or do something, it either AFFECTS you or it HAS AN EFFECT on you. It doesn't EFFECT YOU. It doesn't HAVE AN AFFECT on you. Ex: Cold weather affected him intensely; it had the effect of making his teeth chatter and making his lips turn blue. So if something does something to the something, it "affects" the something. The something that happens to the something is the "effect" that it has. You got all that, right?
6. Toe the Line
I've often seen this written as "tow the line." Tow? You mean take the line and pull it behind your boat? What in the world is that a metaphor for? "Toeing the line" comes from any manner of military, prison or school scenarios, in which the unlucky recipients of the drill sergeant's/warden's/nun's (all the same thing, incidentally) regard are forced to stand toe to a real or imaginary line on the floor. Sometimes for hours. It's a colloquialism for adhering to the rules.
7. Bated Breath
One's breath, when one is waiting with great anticipation, is "bated." It is not "baited." "Baited" means the trap or hook has been made more inviting to the prey by the addition of something tasty or wanted. I hope to GOD your breath isn't baited, dear one, or you have some stinky-ass air coming out of your mouth and I'd offer you a tic-tac but I'm not sure it'll do the trick because good god, your mouth smells like a sardine can. When your breath is "bated, " it is hushed, quiet, lessened in intensity.
8. Backpedal
Pedal is the forward action one's feet participate in when riding a bicycle. Peddle is the act of selling something or some things. So when someone is forced to eat the words, or move backwards, as it were, they aren't backpeddling. They are backpedaling. See the difference?
9. Predisposed
When my birthmother wrote to tell me that she had a bad test result on a pap smear (because OMIGOD ITS PROBABLY CANCER AND YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT TALKING TO ME BECAUSE LOOK! I'M DYING OF CANCER!) she cautioned me and my sisters in her 9 page single-spaced typed letter to go immediately to our gynecologists and get screened. Because, you know, since she had a bad pap result, it meant we were all "predispositioned" to get cancer. Thankfully in the 30-odd regular annual checkups I've had since I started getting them in my college years, I've not once had a pap smear come back with bad results. Neither have my sisters. So, despite my "predispositioning" and my birthmother's OMIGOD I'M DYING PLEASE TALK TO ME plea, I see no reason to pick up the phone. I'm sure she reads my blog anyway.
10. Well, there aren't ten. Because I was going to use spit and image which is the original use of the phrase to mean that someone or something looks exactly like another someone or something. I've always taken exception to "spitting image" because I feel it is modern slang. But upon consideration, I have accepted the words "shizzle" "moar" and "kitteh" into my mental dictionary, so I guess I can live with spitting image.
So I lied. These aren't my top ten. They're my top nine.
What are yours?
**Today's list inspired by Anna Viele at abdpbt 's "Listless Monday" project. Do one of your own!
