I'm having a hard time remembering to breathe today.
Its not that there's too much to do, or rather, any more to do than there usually is - I'm always behind on things like housework, yardwork, filing. Its the weight of the intangibles that sit heavy on my chest, making it a struggle to breathe calmly and keep the anxiety at bay.
Back to school night was last night. A's teacher seems like she's going to be another gem; but its another year of trying to find the right words to explain all we've gone through and who my daughter is without sounding like a paranoid asshole parent. Its hoping that the look I'm getting is one that means she realizes how wonderful and special my daughter is and that she'll work with me and with her to help her be successful and not that its the look that means "shut up already, lady, EVERY parent thinks their child has special needs." You just never know.
Little man didn't want to go in to his classroom at first. "There are girls in there, mommy. I want to wait out here." As excited as he seems to be to be starting kindergarten, the reality of it is a little overwhelming to him. His teacher seemed tired and a little short, normal one would think for the start of the school year with five sets of parents standing around wanting to know why Little Billy is in AM or PM kinder when they specifically signed up for PM or AM.
I've got two sets of behavioral evals for the teachers to fill out once the kids have been in class for a month. I'm always grateful for the time the teachers spend to do this for me; I know they have a million other things they need to be doing - lesson plans, grading papers, taking straight shots of Jim Beam...
I'm anxious on behalf of my kids. Anxious for how the other kids will relate to them, treat them. Anxious about the things that were hard for me when I was their age.
And even though I know I don't have to worry...that it won't do any good...I worry.
But I don't have to worry. They're going to be fine.
