Two reasons I might not write regularly:
1. I have nothing to say
2. I have too much to say
At the moment, I'm squarely tied on these two fronts. There is so much happening, the pace of life these days seems to be at breakneck speed, and I'm coping with a great deal of emotional change and growth. Understand, please, that all of this is positive. And do take that pin away from my bubble, I'm not anywhere near ready to have it burst quite yet.
Over the last few weeks we've been mostly blessed, weather-wise. A few weekends ago, on a day so sunny and pretty it almost seemed that we were having spring in the middle of January, I got to hit the trail for the first time in 2011 with my wonderful friend Michelle. We had mostly a terrific ride, and Bugs was not nearly as hell-bent on charging out as I thought he might after a few months of inactivity. However, we need to fine-tune his Alarm! meter. We managed about halfway through the ride to flush a grouse, practically under his nose. Instead of going back or straight up, Bugs went sideways. I, sadly, did not. So now its three days a week at the chiropractor, starting to walk straight again finally. As if in sympathy, Bugs developed a limp this week requiring twice-a-day soaks in warm water and epsom salts and anti-inflammatories. We're both much better.
That's not really what's kept me from blogging, though. Blame it on him.
Do you know that feeling of absolute rightness that comes when you are around someone who likes you just the way you are? Not pretend-likes-you but really reallylikes you? And you like them the same? And everything is easy and calm and you can tell your deepest darkest secrets and fears and instead of taking it personally or thinking you expect them to fix you, they just listen and hold you? And every time you're around them, no matter what you're doing, whether its cooking or housework or watching a game or reading or ... you feel happy and content? And you have intense discussions about things you don't necessarily agree on but throughout which there is no arguing, but lots of intellectual stimulation? Who thinks you're beautiful, even on bad hair days? And you smile every time you see them or even think about them? Who puts up with your dogs even when they're being hooligans and chewing up things and barking like idiots? And other stuff that my mother really doesn't want me to write about here, but I can sum it up in a single word: Chemistry. No?
I didn't either. Until now.
We waited a little while for the kids to meet him. It was angsty for me, of course it was. You reach that point where you know you want this someone around, to have them really be a part of your life, not just the person you spend time with when your children are at their other parent's house. But you can't really go forward until you know how they'll be with your kids and they can't really go forward until they understand you not as a single person but as a single mother of two wonderful albeit challenging kids.
So far so good. We took the kids bowling this weekend for the first introduction, and even with C's major sensory meltdown (note to self: Bring earplugs to the bowling alley for the kid who has sensory disorders) it was ok. Better than OK. What I saw was someone who was patient, helpful, tolerant and kind with my children, even when they were being challenging. I have no idea what he saw from his end besides a stressed out mother in need of a stiff drink, after struggling with her child through two pairs of bowling shoes, one pair of pants that "felt funny" and one chair that was "poking me!" and so had to be flipped over (thank you, Atomic Bowl, for not kicking us out) but so far he hasn't changed his phone number, he's still taking my calls and he even had us over for family dinner the next night. That's a good sign, right?
Life feels good right now. And I know that I sound ridiculous and gushy and all "in love" and that's just so strange coming from me, who is normally prickly and reserved and untrusting of the human race in general, but there you have it. I'm happy. Deal with it.
Tomorrow I'll tell you all what the school came up with as a proposed IEP for C.
