Its so easy when things are good to think "they'll always be this way." When they're bad, sometimes we think the same, though the more optimistic among us may think "it will get better." All I know is, enjoy where you are because somewhere along the line, something will change the equation.
I've probably said this same thing in about twenty different ways on this blog. Its one of those essential truths that I keep turning around to find myself facing. Change. Fluidity. Nothing stays the same.
I want to believe that all change is good. That even when things happen that seem unfortunate or even devastating, that eventually some good will come from them anyway. I suppose that's true, in a way. You run into a brick wall in life, you smash yourself against it a few times. The bad part is you now have a big gash in the front of your forehead from repeated contact with brick and mortar; the good part is that eventually you recognize that your forehead hurts and you look for a different direction to go. At some point you will find a direction that takes you somewhere useful.
I have reached a point lately where I understand that everything that has happened in my life in the last twenty-odd years has pointed me in this direction and that this is where I'm supposed to be. Near my parents. With this man. On this horse. With these kids. At this job. In this house. None of it is permanent, I know better than to expect that. But right now, in this moment, I'm here. And it feels right.
This man, I wish I'd met him a long time ago. But would I have been in a place then where I could have appreciated what he brought to my life? Would he have been in a place where he would have even seen in me the woman that attracts him today? Perhaps not. So its fun to imagine, but ultimately I think its even more fun to let go of the past and imagine the future.
There are challenges. There are always challenges, and frankly the last couple of weeks have been up to the eyeballs with them. Even so, the challenges themselves seem to be telling me "yes, this direction. Without regret."
Its easy to look at other people and see what's wrong with them. See the things they ought to change.
You know what's even harder?
Look at yourself. Look at what's wrong with you. See the things YOU ought to change.
Even harder than that?
Look at the person you have been judging. Forget what you think they ought to change. Accept them as they are. Love them as a person, even if they're not particularly loving toward you.
I know what my challenges are. I know I'm learning what I'm supposed to be. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be.
Its all good.
