Before I medicated my child, I was completely opposed to medicating my child.
I viewed medications as evil, unnatural. I didn't want to turn my beautiful little girl into a soul-less, will-less zombie. People who medicated their children just didn't know any better. They should be doing this special diet and that behavioral therapy and blah-de-blah, blah, blah.
God, I was such a judgmental asshole.
I tell people that the decision to medicate didn't come easy. I think that's true, in a way, but not entirely accurate.
Its not that the decision itself was hard. By the time I reached that point, I didn't take any time to think it through, to get yet another opinion, to view all my cards and see which ones hadn't yet been played. I literally reached a point where I thought I could not. go. another. step. and so I said "OK. Let's try that."
And it worked.
I didn't turn my beautiful girl into a pale reflection of her former self. Not at all. What I saw was transformation of the most amazing sort.
Before medication I had a child who could not go one single day, and often not a few short hours without raging and screaming at the top of her lungs. I had a child who hurt me on a regular basis, scratching me, hitting me, kicking me. I had a child who could not be put into a time out alone for fear she would hurt herself, either deliberately or inadvertently. I had a child who could not seem to do what she was asked to, even when the request was entirely reasonable or would result in some tangible benefit for her, like, sit in your chair at the table so you can have a bowl of ice cream.
I had a child who could not make friends. Who could not be in a standard daycare setting when there were no other options available to me. Who would not be able to learn in a standard setting. Who was, there is no doubt in my mind, completely miserable.
We tried medication.
My child is still stubborn. My child is still oppositional. She still has rages. But she doesn't have them every day, or even every week. Sometimes she goes MONTHS without losing it. Her impulse control could be better, we all know that, and some days she has the attention span of a gnat, but all things considered, she is miles ahead of where she was a few years ago, and we didn't see that change until we medicated her.
Medication saved my child from herself. Medication allowed the best in her to come forward, helped her to have more control over the things that were driving her relentlessly into the dark waters. Medication allowed her to make friends, get invited to birthday parties, just like the other kids.
Her medicine allows her to be a happier person. And that, in and of itself, is priceless to me.
When I say that all I want for my kids is for them to be happy, its not a simple statement. Not in the least. I want them to be happy more than they are sad, though I realize that sadness is a part of life. But I don't want their sadness to overwhelm them. I want them to be secure and to be able to make good choices, because their happiness gives them confidence and lets them love themselves and treat themselves with respect. I want them to have fulfilling relationships with people who enhance the happiness they feel. I want them to do something with their lives that is meaningful and enjoyable to them, to have life paths that are positive.
And so we medicate.
When I posted about how hard it is to get C to take his medication, I need you to realize that its not just about 'winning' the battle with him. I see that medication as being a crucial tool in the things we do to help him succeed in life. I don't want him to be better-behaved because it will be easier for ME. I want it because it will be better for HIM.
I never hesitated to medicate my son, not after I saw how much it changed my daughter's life for the good. I waited as long as I felt was appropriate to wait, but I knew that eventually he would take medication, and I have few qualms, if any, about making sure he takes it. About making sure my daughter takes hers and doesn't hide the pills, as she sometimes does. I make sure they take their medication.
I try to teach them that taking their medication is as much a part of their daily routine as brushing their teeth or getting dressed. "Mommy takes her medicine. Daddy takes his medicine. Poppy takes his medicine. S takes his medicine. We all take our medicine, every day."
Because I love them. And because I want them to be happy.
