If you're not a gamer, you can just skip this one.
IF WORK WERE AN MMORPG
- Every 10 minutes engaged in actual productive work would restore HP at a rate of 10 points per second
- Every five seconds spent in yet another useless meeting would drain HP and mana at a rate of 20 points per second and double to 40 per second for every five minutes the meeting lasts beyond the half hour mark
- Refraining from calling your boss a “dumbass” would give you +25,600 XP and 12G 59S 22C
- Refraining from punching the nasty douchebag who took the M&M’s from your desk drawer would give you a level up. Said nasty douchebag would be afflicted with rez sickness and be at 60% HP and mana for an hour
- You could cast slow on the guy you don’t like yet who always flirts with you so that you can escape him by simply walking away
- You could travel to offsite meetings via mage portal
- Recruiting a friend via the Employee Referral Program would get you a bitchin’ winged unicorn flying mount with a 20% speed bonus
- Your morning cup of coffee would provide +20 Int and +20 haste.
- Drinking a rock star would net you +40 crit and +40 AP
- Gear score would be calculated based on the quality and fit of your clothes directly relational to your disposable income
- The nicer your watch, the better gem bonus.
- Defeating the boss (cleverly disguised as your new director) would give additional XP of 162,750 and a +40 armor buff that lasts for four hours.
- Team conflicts would be decided by dueling. Low-level characters could ask a higher level friend to stand in, but pets and minions would not be allowed.
- The annual holiday party would be replaced with a weeklong Winterfest and there would be a daily prize drawing for a sprig of holly with ten charges that turns your car into a flying reindeer until deactivated or until you log out.
- The annual softball game between the operations team and the sales and marketing group would be replaced by a PVP arena, with the losers being required to buy donuts for the winning team every Friday for the next 12 months.
